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It is unthinkable to accept what has become of myself in these times and small adventures of my life.
One giant paragraph. Begin.

All seems for not more or less, and everyday seems exactly the same. It is impossible to blame narcotics or alcohol as none has been in my system for some time. I am no longer on my medication (simple zoloft) but I should be taking my thyroid medication every day but forget, and have forgotten for the past few months. Occupation is difficult for me to find, and at every turn of any hope with one it falls through. Nineteen, jobless, collegeless. It can only get better, but in the past year it has been the same. Something or myself needs to change. My sleeping pattern is non-existent. I sleep only when i become tired which is every 36 hours or so. Then I crash for about a nice ten hours and wake. I'm kind of afraid to sleep as I have dreams a lot where I lie in my bed, paralyzed, unable to make any move but a crawl. It always ends with me falling out of my bed onto the floor, and trying to cry out and make a sound to anyone in the house, which is impossible as no sound escapes my mouth but a whisper. I then wake. Fuck. Those. Dreams. I fucking hate them. I cannot express my hate for something so much as them. Besides breakdowns and metalcore. They suck just as much as those dreams. It's odd to also to think about how my situation with women has been. I'm not saying I'm very good looking by any means or anything, but there was a two year point where i had women kind of chasing after me all the time. It was great in a way. Whenever a relationship ended or I got bored with one, I had another girl to choose from. This ofcourse was all after Sam. I don't want to talk about Sam. She broke my heart and it took two years to get the fuck over it, and i still think about her everyday. Not in a bad way, but the good times. Argh. This is difficult anymore to vent. For anyone who reads this, I don't give a fuck about your input. But thank you for listening.